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Roger Ebert publishes his script for Who Killed Bambi

Everyone knows that Roger Ebert is our nation’s most famous film critic. Fans know something else about him: he wrote movie scripts for Nudie Cutie film king Russ Meyer. The most famous of these is the cult classic Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, a magnificently fun story of sex, drugs, and rock & roll featuring some great songs, unforgettable characters, and wonderfully zany quotes. “Ere this night does wane, you will drink the black sperm of my vengeance!” “This is my happening, and it freaks me out!” “You’re a groovy boy. I’d like to strap you on sometime.” There was also Beneath the Valley of the Ultra Vixens, as well as small contributions to Up! (which should not be confused with Pixar film, or should be confused with the Pixar film so that I may be amused by the children’s dumbfounded reactions.) But then there was the film that never got made: Who Killed Bambi? No one is certain why it didn’t get made, but it was to be another Russ Meyer film and, importantly, was to star The Sex Pistols, big personal fans of Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Featuring the triple force of The Sex Pistols with their music and attitudes, Russ Meyer with his ample-breasted girls and pop directorial aesthetic, and Roger Ebert’s sharp and catchy writing, the film would have been a blast. And now, via his blog, Roger Ebert has made this unproduced screenplay available to everyone, so that we may all fantasize about what might have been. Won’t you read it? I know I will!

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