14 Directors and the Video Games They Should Adapt
Rotten Tomatoes recently compiled a list of Best Video Game Adaptations, which turned out to be an oxymoron because not one single movie on the list got more than a 50% approval rating. The thing about Rotten Tomatoes, unfortunately, is that even though they’re supposed to be a site dedicated to critical film opinions, they frequently look for every dick they can possibly suck and write big articles for movies backed by big promotional campaigns. This article may not be so bad in this respect, but it’s still a sort of Prince of Persia tie-in. It’s an interesting walk down memory lane, but even though some of the movies may provide campy fun, they’re really not that great when you get down to the nitty gritty. This article made me look back at an earlier one at RT about video games that ought to be adapted and the directors who should helm the films. That’s a fun list. The writers go into what makes the original games tick and then discuss how a particular director’s style would be appropriate for adapting them. Some ideas would be pure zany fun, while others would be more serious-minded, even somber.
Reading the newer article and then remembering the older one got me thinking about a possible adaptation of Zero Wing, the game that gave us the immortal All Your Base meme. Imagine it. In AD 2101, an interstellar war is raging. All the human forces’ base are belong to the evil cyborg CATS and his forces. He has set up a human space cruiser the bomb, and they are on the way to destruction. With no alternative, the captain orders his pilots to take off every Zig, and to move Zig for great justice. A gloriously corny, totally meta space opera full of bloken Engrish! You could even have a Japanese subtitled version featuring coherent dialog! How cool would that be? I suggested Sam Raimi or Quentin Tarantino as possible directors, since they may have the chops and sense of humor to sustain the joke. But on reflection, maybe I’d want Richard Ayoade, director of the BBC’s Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace. His commitment to recreating a low-budget, inept style was flawless when he made that series, and I think that same commitment to style would serve a Zero Wing adaptation well. If not that, give it to the Adult Swim teams who made 12 Oz. Mouse or Xavier: Renegade Angel. They too expertly handled very meta styles of direction.