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Immortal Ad Vitam

In the year 2095, an Egyptian pyramid hovers over New York City. Horus, the Egyptian god, has been sentenced to death by his fellow gods. With one week to live, he comes to Earth to impregnate a blue-scalped woman, one of the few individuals in the universe who can mate with a god. As a vessel, he uses an underground hero who was imprisoned for fighting the eugenics movement. But what does this story have to do with eugenics? Or, for that matter, a corrupt senator, a doctor with vinyl hair, a police inspector, hunter-aliens that look like hammerhead sharks, and a faceless man in black? Almost nothing, but we just had to throw all that garbage in there to make the plot needlessly cluttered, didn’t we? We needed a dozen subplots that don’t go anywhere populated by characters we know nothing about and certainly don’t care about. The plot is not hard to understand; there is simply nothing there to understand because the writers didn’t bother to flesh out their characters or their scenarios.

Plus, this film is ugly to look at. Apparently in the future, there are no vibrant colors anymore. Everything is just a desaturated monochrome. Then there is the CGI work, which is frequently Saturday Morning Cartoon- or B-list video game-level. Some scenes are populated by real people, others by cartoonish CGI creations, giving the impression of two movies glued together. And of course straight cinematography is no good, is it? We need every post-processing filter in the Final Cut Pro library!

The basic plot is as described above: Horus takes possession of a man named Nikopol in order to impregnate a blue-scalped woman named Jill. Nikopol was imprisoned by a dystopian government for opposing the eugenics movement. The underground resistance currently considers him its hero and places holographic graffiti all over the place, crediting its messages to “the spirit of Nikopol.” This plot thread is never explored. Eugenics is bad, but this is not elaborated on either, except that maybe all the weird CGI people in the story are the product of eugenics, or maybe not.

Jill sees the world through eyes that go blurry around the edges, or maybe the special effect for her POV was just a bad choice that got away from the director. Jill is a patient of two other characters. One is a doctor with hair that I swear is made of vinyl and looks seriously goofy. The doctor wants to understand her physiology because… your guess is as good as mine. Is Jill a product of eugenics? Maybe. Dunno. This movie isn’t big on explaining things. Speaking of, the other character to whom Jill is a patient of sorts is a man named John, who is wrapped entirely in black, has no face that we ever see, and is an alien from another world who is being killed by Earth’s environment. Why is he helping Jill? Why does he give her blue pills to make her forget things? Is Jill an alien? What are these “intrusions” that John keeps talking about? Why should we care? Who the hell knows!? This movie certainly isn’t going to explain anything!

Then there are some goofy CGI characters. There’s an inspector who we don’t know anything about, and his subplot goes nowhere. There’s a fat politician named Allgood, who is behind much of the Eugenics movement and who apparently had Nikopol imprisoned because he knew too much about eugenics-related atrocities, including experiments on aliens. Occasionally, Allgood sends out shark-like aliens to hunt down Jill and Nikopol. This subplot almost goes somewhere, but why is Allgood concerned with the Egyptian gods? It never really gets explained. And frankly, the scenes with the CGI characters serve as interruptions to the movie. I just kept waiting for the real humans and the plot to come around again.

This movie is an incoherent mess of dead-end subplots and ugly cinematography. The story never gels into anything compelling, the characters have no depth, and a dozen seemingly important things never get elaborated upon or explained. It’s style-over-substance of the worst kind, where the script was DOA and even the style is worthless. It all amounts to another great example big budgets being squandered on poor stories and directors with no talent.

Plus there are a hundred moments that are downright silly. This movie needs the RiffTrax treatment.

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