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Kiara the Swindler

I went to my local grocery store tonight and happened to see the RedBox. Right there in the Family section was a movie called Kiara the Brave. And I need to vent, because what’s going on here is not right. It’s not about copyright. It’s more important than that.

What’s going on here is just cruel and inconsiderate. Phase 4 Films, I’m talking to you. When you heard about Pixar’s Brave, you rushed a film into production. You put it out where people were likely to see it, and you designed your poster with the word “BRAVE” in big letters. You can’t lie your way out of this: you wanted to deliberately deceive people. You were counting on Grandma to rent — or at a store, buy — your movie instead of Pixar’s. Grandma’s naive about these things, you see; doesn’t pay close attention to details when things like these are concerned. She thinks she got the popular, well-praised new movie the kids want to see. She thinks she did something nice for them. Then the movie goes on, and things get bad. This isn’t the right movie at all. This is a cheap piece of garbage. What happens now? People start getting upset. The kids are disappointed. Maybe they even cry. Grandma is mortified that she messed up and gave her grandchildren this trash instead of the movie they would have enjoyed. Grandma feels completely swindled. Maybe this is one of those families that fights a lot, and now Mom is saying, “Damnit, mom! I told you to get the movie called Brave! Just Brave! How hard is that?” Or maybe she prefers to yell at the kids. “Damn it, you two! Grandma did something nice for you! Now you’re gonna show some fucking respect! Say, ‘Thank you!'”

Yelling or none, everybody’s getting upset, and it’s your fault, Phase 4 Films. Does this make you feel like a man? Are you proud of yourself? Does it make you happy that you get your money dishonestly by swindling people instead of entertaining them? Why don’t you get a real job, huh? Try earning your money the honest way.

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